All rights reserved. But, negative self-talk isn’t always so obvious. There is nowhere for you to go with this type of language, no opportunity for growth. When that inner voice becomes a lot more negative, that is when negative-self talk occurs. Here are other examples of negative self-talk sneaky questions or statements: “Why did you do that?” (said with a reproving tone), Or its variation “Why do you keep doing that?”, Or another variation “You don’t know what you’re doing.”, Or yet another variation “You can’t do that.”. But, when is that self-talk veering into criticism and negativity? These thoughts can be negative or positive, and sometimes we can get into patterns of self-talk that lean in one direction. I became a certified meditation and mindfulness instructor and then published a book called How to Communicate Like a Buddhist. For example, you had a great day at work. They don’t mean anything about me.”, 6. Life was too unpredictable to disrespect others and myself with my interactions. As such, the things it is saying to you that are negative aren’t always apparent. Not meeting an internal expectation is one of the biggest ways we create negative self-talk. "It's all my fault" 3. In all the soul searching I did after my first love’s passing, I realized that to really enjoy each moment, to be here now, I had to teach myself a new way of interacting—with myself. I have shared about 14 labels that are commonly used in negative self talk: pig, imperfect, failure, loser, freak, alien, unlucky, slow, stupid, ugly, fat, flat, short, and suck. Delivered weekly. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive ones. Some common triggers of negative self-talk include sleep deprivation, hunger, fatigue, stress, physical illness such as cold, flu or fatal diseases such as cancer, allergies and mental disorders such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder etcetera. When we compare ourselves to others, we see something they have or some characteristic they possess and judge ourselves as deficient when we don’t measure up. It’s that voice inside our head that is really criticizing us, belittling the decisions we make, the things we say (or don’t say) to others, asking why we couldn’t have done better, why we decided to eat that junky food…. The key to switching your language here is to focus on the facts in any situation and to be cognizant of any story your mind wants to create around the facts. [5] Let’s say you put on a skirt and are having trouble zipping it up, and the voice in your head says “Wow, you are really fat. The truth is that others are responsible for their own choices, just as we are responsible for ours. Negative self talk is a problem that far too many women take part in on a daily basis, and the simple fact is that we usually don’t even realize it. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive ones. Positive self-talk is a powerful tool for increasing our self-confidence and curbing negative emotions. Negative self-talk is unique to the individual, but judgemental and critical statements make up the bulk of it. Simple statements like “nothing looks right on me today” to the more damaging “I can’t do anything right” can affect our day in the same way that dark clouds or rain might affect an otherwise sunny day. Some situations may cause us to indulge in more negative self-talk than others. It does take some dedication and conscientious effort to start to notice that negative self-talk it, but the effort is worth the reward. Throughout the day, we tend to talk to ourselves. Much of what we are saying to ourselves is just a running to-do list, like “Don’t forget to turn on the dishwasher.”. Instead of: “I should be _____ by now.”, Try: “I could be _____ right now and I’m choosing to _____ instead.”, Try: “I played a part in this situation and am only responsible for my own decisions and actions.”, 5. For example, an introvert might find negative self-talk crops up when they have to attend social events or networking. Use our sample 'Examples of Positive vs. Your mental healt… 3. I wanted to feel present, to enjoy my time here. This type of inner dialogue can also impact our motivation and ability to go after our goals. In teaching 1000’s of students I hear some common examples of negative self-talk such as: I used to be a terrible communicator. Since awareness is key, you may want some specific examples of negative self-talk. Identifying negative thinking. How often do you pay attention to the voices in your head? Because, once we are aware of the internal dialogue, we can make changes that can positively affect our lives and our mental well-being. Not sure if your self-talk is positive or negative? After the release of the book, I created an online course; coaches, therapists, educators, individuals, social workers, and heads of organizations took it and told me about the changes they were seeing in how they interacted with their clients, students, employees, friends, family, and partners. We all know that … Comparing myself to others made me even more reactionary, pushing me to be passive-aggressive and blame others for what I wasn’t feeling or doing. There’s a lot of overlap between the cognitive distortions. The implication of this negative self-talk is that what you are right now isn’t good enough. When you assume you know what others are thinking or feeling about you, you judge that their thoughts or feelings are negative, and then you berate yourself because of this judgment. Asking these questions about our self-talk can direct us to the deeper beliefs we have about ourselves, which likely influence many of our interpretations at an unconscious level. Although I wanted to be open and understanding and compassionate, and to celebrate others, all I could do was react from a place of insecurity because I felt like others’ goodness took away from mine, or their successes somehow made mine further out of reach. I call this comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides. It happens when you replay upsetting or cringe-worthy thoughts or events over and over again in your head. 1. Instead of making a mistake, you are an idiot. Or, maybe something that strange guy on the street corner does? Much of this habit is rooted in societal ideas about what is important. 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